What A Year

As most folks begin to take a look back on the year that was, and a look forward to the year that will be, all the "best of" lists begin to come out.

So, as an actor - someone who should be in action - I've decided that, this year, I shall list the five most interesting, inspiring or challenging experiences of 2013, in the hopes it will shed a little light on my direction for the bright and shiny new year.

So lets start with NUMBER ONE. My first trip overseas and a journey to spend time with my beautiful daughter and get to know her fabulous New York life.

Back in mid-2012 my daughter Caitlin decided to pack her backpack - and, by backpack, I mean several suitcases of expensive clothes - and try life in New York. Being the incredibly brave soul that she is, she left to live in one of the craziest cities in the world without knowing anyone or having any definite plan. She found her feet quickly, studied at Stella Adler, found a wonderful group of talented creative friends that she is now working with and fell in love. But, she's not coming back any time soon. 
So I had to go to her.

With her help, I got a ticket, my passport and got on a plane. After a delay, a visit to one of the toughest airports in the world, a switch to a different airline and a deeply disturbing taxi ride with a mad New York cab driver, I got to hug my girl. And what a amazing two weeks it was. I am lucky enough to have the two most gorgeous girls in the world. (This is not a mother's bias, this is a fact.) They are also my best friends, part of the holy trinity of awesomeness in my life that includes my partner. But, after twelve months apart, it was only when I was right there with her that I realised just how much I missed her. (Thank god for Skype!) We fell straight back into our usual mixture of affection and taking the piss, as if no time at all had passed. 

We spent most of the two weeks talking, crying, laughing, exploring and sitting side by side writing together. I also got a serious boost realising I could survive in a new city, even if it was for just a couple of weeks; by the end I was an expert at going through customs, learned the rules of tipping, exploded my brain with multiple trips to MOMA (sorry guys, if you think Disneyland is the greatest place on earth, you are sadly deluded), saw some amazing theatre, got a little drunk at Shakespeare in the Park and managed to find my way on the Subway (a massive feat for me, as I have no sense of direction).  But most of all, I hung out with one of my besties. We talked, about the past and a lot about the future. And when I got back on the plane, I had not only reconnected with my beautiful daughter, but I had reconnected with myself. (Yep, I know that sounds a bit wanky, but fuck it it's true.)  I came back with greater confidence and a determination to follow my passion - and I'm glad to say this hasn't left me. 
 

Now on to NUMBER TWO; I was chuffed to be asked, by a good friend of mine, to direct his new play. This was the first time I had directed a piece that I had not chosen myself and it was a great, if slightly terrifying, experience. I was working in a big venue very diferent from the usual tiny fringe spaces I was used to. There are specific challenges to working with a new piece, with time and effort spent on getting the edit of the script just right, as well as finding a way to stage a big story, told over several locations, in a theatrical way that doesn't lose the momentum of the story. It's nail-biting, waiting to see if what you imagined will actually work, but when it does, it's the best feeling.  The big fun was working with a talented, passionate and dedicated group of actors. Not only did it push me to make the most of every moment, but I loved helping to shape a performance, always with the arc of the story in mind. And those intense post-rehearsal discussions about life and art - what could be better. It was a challenging and highly rewarding experience that rekindled my desire to keep pushing myself as a creative, which led naturally to  NUMBER THREE.

Okay, this is an interesting one because, even though it was good for me and I got a lot out of it, I can't say I completely enjoyed the experience - at the time, anyway. I did four months of intensive training with a great American acting coach, sadly not in New York but right here in Footscray, and it was a real trial by fire. She was one intense and passionate lady, and big on the tough love style of teaching. As a very rusty and overly sensitive actor returning to serious study, this was quite an emotionally rough process. But if I didn't feel intensely, I would probably be a plumber rather than an actor - I hear they earn really good money! During the four months, I had some serious doubts about my abilities and my commitment and, in my 'dark night of the soul moment' (after a particularly frustrating class where I just wasn't getting it), I even considered giving up altogether... But then there was a change, where I stopped taking myself too seriously and put one of the many pieces of wisdom she was giving us into practice. 'Care less, but be more curious' - this gave me permission to take myself far less seriously and concentrate on the work, which I was really struggling with. I knew I had turned a corner when she did an impression of me in front of the rest of the class - a means to forcefully shake me out of my bad habits - and I laughed! Not only did it stop me from storing another potential hurt - poison for my acting process - but it shocked both of us, and from that moment on, we treated each other with a lot more respect. Even though it was a mega tough, frustrating and sometimes dispiriting four months, I think it helped me to toughen up, not take it so personally and learn to play - again! And for that I am very grateful!  

But without the regained confidence of number one and the kick up the arse of number three, I would never have applied to audition for NUMBER FOUR.

Back from America re-invigorated and armed with my new skills and attitude, I threw myself into auditioning for anything that sounded interesting, and was soon accepted into the ensemble of a new theatre company dedicated to... sex positive theatre?!? A concept I hadn't come across before, but it really intrigued me. The first show, Monorotica - a series of erotic monologues covering all types of sexual practices and experiences - had its preview season in late December, and what a blast! Like Alice, I felt like I had stepped into a strange new world. But so satisfying and joyful. The company was so supportive, the writing was fantastic, the material challenging and I got to play someone fully in their power tellling the world her truth with a lot of wit, sass and a desire to shock - three of my favorite things! A great way to end the year and I can't wait to do it again in February.  (I might even talk them into including some Shakespeare.)

And finally to NUMBER FIVE: a wonderful two day break in Sydney with two of my all time favourite people. We stayed in an art deco apartment (that reminded me of Mullholland Drive) right on the beach and watched two extraordinary theatrical events. First came "The Maids," starring the glorious Cate Blanchett and equally glorious Isabelle Huppert. Their sense of play really inspired me to try and continue to keep this in my work. (I can sometimes come down with a dangerous bout of way-too-serious-ness!) But the highlight of the trip was seeing Nederlands Dans Theater; a company I have been in love with for a long time, made more so by a recent cinema screening of their work (thanks to Sharmill Films). Imagine my total dance geek-gasm when we realised we were in the same row, only a few seats away, from the company's Artistic Director Paul Lightfoot and one of the principal dancers!  The pieces were exquisite and so moving; we cried, then got autographs. Eeeeee! 

Filed under "normal business," there has been lots of plodding along this year, lots of writing and re-writing and writing again. Lots of great theatre and movies, coffees with friends and family, intense discussions, classes and trips to the gym. All the usual stuff that, little by little, transforms me. A couple of big projects fell over and others consolidated while new ideas and plans are forming all the time. But the most exciting thing for me has been a greater sense of who I am, who I can be and what I really want to do. I'll keep you posted as I put this into action over the next 365 days. Happy 2014 all!!